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Realization

Realizing I’m able to do something other people can’t do is difficult because first I needed to determine if I am crazy. That was really step one. I will begin by letting you know that there are people in my family who are crazy, so it was entirely possible that these things were musings in an unsettled mind.

I was actually convinced of my validity by others who explained that there is no way I could know that. My feelings were also part of what convinced me. They were so strong and clear. I remembered everyone I read. I could picture someone’s bedroom in my mind and describe it over and over again. I remembered that Joe was extremely anxious all of the time and felt really alone when he sat in his father’s recliner. They were like tiny memory tattoos that did not belong to me. I remember them like they are mine though. This is another way that I know that this is real. I just can’t make this much stuff up and remember it like this.

After realizing this is real and getting dozens and dozens of validations, I wanted to know what it was. I searched the Internet and found similar stories, but nothing exactly like this. Everyone seemed to be trying to stop it or block people out because it was difficult and painful. I am drawn to it. There are many aspects I do not like, but there is much that I do. I get frustrated by it, but I don’t want to block it out. It allows me to see the layers of humanity and for all its ugliness there is an intense purity. There seems to be a glut if people who can talk to the dead and tell the future-two things I am unable to do. I always joke that I have enough problems with the living and the past.

For those of you who are reading this and understand, please keep responding. It makes me feel so much less alone.

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