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Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Yes, I am not lost. I say this with conviction and truly for the first time. As an Empath, I have often felt as if I am wandering. The emotions of others are sometimes more deeply felt than my own, so it causes me to lose focus. Anger from a colleague could derail me for an entire day, but that is starting to change. For those of you who are also sensitive or empathic, I am learning to stay in the present. It has been an important shift. The past and future are only thoughts. It is only now that exists, and I am startled to realize that I carry around other people’s emotions around all day. Because of this, I had to find another way. By remaining in the “now”, I put their emotions down much more quickly than I used to do. I am able still able to recall them at a moment’s notice as if I experienced it myself, but it is better.

I wander. I really do. I often feel like I lean more this way or that based on the feeling of a room or the vibe of a person, and this was extremely limiting. I have always envied the person who can push his/her energy into a room with total disregard for anyone else. The man who can make selfish, off-handed comments that interrupt intimate conversations and truly not know that he has just upset the vibe. I am always painfully aware. My perceptions change, not because I’ve noticed the tears in someone’s eyes, because I feel the anxiety or see an image of an angry outburst someone had with a spouse hours before. I then become more sensitive to the person’s needs, more aware of what I should or should not say, trapped in my own head. In the past, I would try and change myself. I would twist and turn my words and actions as if I were trying to shimmy through the eye of a needle. I feel less likely to try to control things these days. Because that’s all that was. I was using my empathic abilities to try and control situations and people. It’s exhausting.

Another reason I feel that I am wandering but not lost is I just recently went through a very amicable divorce. What other type of divorce can an active, loving empath have? It was my idea, my plan. I was not happy, and for many years, the idea of making him unhappy kept me from making any changes. Then one day, I woke up and realized that I was 36 and lost. It took all of my strength to end my relationship. It took every ounce of me to leave a man who needed me and wanted me because I felt in every fiber of my being that it was wrong. Now I am single again, and I am wondering how much my abilities are going to interfere with any budding relationships. Should I tell my dates? Will they just know? I am so used to calling my partner on his emotions. I just think this will be a little off-putting. I guess we will see…

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