Last night I had a great conversation with one of my friends. It was about love. This seems to be a topic that comes up in my life often. I think that it is my soul’s mission in this life. Everyone comes into this life with a plan, a purpose. Perhaps I should preface this entry with “based on my belief system,” but I wonder if that is already understood. Anyway, I believe that everyone enters this life with an agenda. I think my agenda is to research love. Through my various karmic journeys, I think I have worked out being able to love my children, love my friends, and even others I barely know. I have no one I call an enemy. I dislike much of what people do, but I can honestly say that I don’t really “hate” anyone. Sorry, “hate” is not allowed to be used in my home, and I try to keep it out of my vocabulary. “Hate” is such a powerful and icky emotion. If people could just feel how blackening it is, they would avoid it too. “Hate” is a black, spiky tar that snags you and needs to be cleaned away with intent. It is truly not the opposite of love. I’ve felt people love and hate someone all at the same time. It’s an entity all on its own.
So back to my conversation about love. Love is so much more powerful. It is the brightest, most beautiful light in the world. It radiates from people. You know that is true. Even people who are not Empaths can feel when two people are in the early stages of love. Also, the ability to see the bonds that love forms when given time to grow and mature can bring tears to someone’s eyes. When we celebrate a marriage that has stood the test of time, we are not really celebrating that piece of paper and the ceremony that took place many years ago. No, we are acknowledging the strength of a love that could stand the tests and the trials of life. Marriages do not stay together because of a priest’s, judge’s, or pastor’s words. Marriages can only stay together when love remains strong. Divorce does not happen because we ever really stop loving the person we are married to. Love is still there. It is the other stuff that builds and clouds that diminishes the strength of love. When we allow the other emotions to overcome our love, then love fades. I told my friend that I still love my ex. She was shocked to hear this. People are always shocked to hear this. If I still love him, then why in God’s name would I divorce him? The reason is because the resentment, anger, distrust all built up and downgraded my love for him. I no longer wanted to be his wife. It was a title and position that no longer fit me or served me. I could not see myself continuing to build a relationship with him. I no longer wanted to foster my love for him. What is there, is there, but there is no part of me that wants it to grow.
Even as I am writing this, I can see that I have some bugs to work out, but these realizations have taken many years and many mistakes to get to, so I will continue to observe. For now, the biggest realization I’ve had is that I think my road has taken me to a path of being single. This is the first time in my life, so I guess we will just see where this goes.