I have always loved Oscar Wilde, and I have never seen this quote before. As I was surfing the Internet, I stumbled upon it, and it really struck me. I am not entirely sure if I like this quote or not. Clearly, I am a woman. I am reminded of this fact everyday. Should I be mildly amused by his tongue-in-cheek words? Am I here to be loved and not understood? Are woman such amorphous creatures that we are so beyond understanding? I am not sure this is true. The idea that I was created with the idea that I would be loved is comforting, but I also want to be understood. Though I must admit that my ex was lost when it came to understanding even a tiny bit of me. I am still reminded of this fact almost everyday. I often wonder if our relationship was salvageable if he were able to understand me for even a moment. How can you love someone and not let her feel understood?
Example of an Old Conversation Between My Ex and Me:
Me: “I just need you to tell me you love me, you appreciate me.”
Ex: “Why do you need that? That doesn’t make sense to me. Why don’t you just know that I love you?”
Me: “Imagine for a moment that you said to me that to feel loved you needed me to put toothpaste on your toothbrush every night. And I said to you that it didn’t make sense and why do you need that. I then proceed to ignore your toothbrush every night, or maybe once a week or every few days I put the toothpaste on the brush. All you asked me to do was put toothpaste on your toothbrush, but I couldn’t do that. Instead of spending time trying to figure out why you needed that, I could have just done something for you that meant something. Would you feel loved?”
Me: “Does that make sense?”
Ex: “Yeah, I guess. “
I guess what I am trying to say here is that women really were made to have both. We need to be loved and understood even when we don’t seem understandable. The reality is that many women were made with this crazy ability to understand everything. I am not asking for everything, just the things that are really important. These are two things that I don’t feel are too much to ask.