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My Inner Voice

runningI woke up this morning feeling annoyed.  My eyes opened and I wondered, “What am I still doing here? Why am I still living here with him in this house?”  I looked at an apartment the other day.  It was nice, but it still didn’t feel right.  At the time, I trusted my gut and I let it go.  It just wasn’t right, but this morning I woke up thinking I made a mistake.

Maybe I can call him and see if it is still available.  I can handle the money situation.  It will be fine.  In the midst of these random thoughts and worries, I decided to go for a run.

As I was running, I started to feel lighter.  Running is truly a spiritual practice for me.  I felt the oneness that always flows into me while I am running.  I feel stronger, clearer.  Colors become brighter; and an awareness settles in.

As I started to take the last hill, I had to slow down.  Words bubbled to the surface of my mind as I worried that my current pace would cause me to start walking.  “Slowing down is not the same as stopping.”  Yes, I thought in response.  My slow pace is not the same as standing still.  I had stood still for so many years. I know what that feels like, but that is not what I am doing now.  I am taking my time, I thought.  I need to take my time because of my boys, but I also need to progress for me.  I am finding the balance.

These affirmations assured me as I went up that hill and the shorter hill that followed.  When my house finally came into view again, I felt an inner peace.  This is exactly where I need to be right now.

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