I woke up this morning feeling annoyed. My eyes opened and I wondered, “What am I still doing here? Why am I still living here with him in this house?” I looked at an apartment the other day. It was nice, but it still didn’t feel right. At the time, I trusted my gut and I let it go. It just wasn’t right, but this morning I woke up thinking I made a mistake.
Maybe I can call him and see if it is still available. I can handle the money situation. It will be fine. In the midst of these random thoughts and worries, I decided to go for a run.
As I was running, I started to feel lighter. Running is truly a spiritual practice for me. I felt the oneness that always flows into me while I am running. I feel stronger, clearer. Colors become brighter; and an awareness settles in.
As I started to take the last hill, I had to slow down. Words bubbled to the surface of my mind as I worried that my current pace would cause me to start walking. “Slowing down is not the same as stopping.” Yes, I thought in response. My slow pace is not the same as standing still. I had stood still for so many years. I know what that feels like, but that is not what I am doing now. I am taking my time, I thought. I need to take my time because of my boys, but I also need to progress for me. I am finding the balance.
These affirmations assured me as I went up that hill and the shorter hill that followed. When my house finally came into view again, I felt an inner peace. This is exactly where I need to be right now.