How many times can a person break your heart? I guess it’s as many times as I let him.
Oh, the moment when you realize that the final little bit of hope in your heart is ripped out for the final time and you are left wondering how that hope ever got there in the first place.
In between the unofficial end of my marriage and my divorce, I fell in love. It had all the makings of a major heartbreak. He was younger than me; we worked together; we wanted entirely different things; I needed to go through my divorce. I stopped the budding relationship because I just couldn’t do it, and in my mind, I believed that when the time was right, it would all come back together. It was not a clean break and so many things happened that just continued to tarnish what we “could” have had.
Every single sign showed that this was not meant to be and that this relationship was not for the long haul, but I still wished, hoped, and prayed that we would get back together when the dust settled. Recently the reality that it is entirely over entered and it is overwhelming and denial is impossible.
I am vacillating between sadness and acceptance. The waves continue to crash in my heart and mind, and I can’t believe that I am here again. I can’t believe that he could come back and break the last remaining pieces of my heart like this.
All of the old adages are of little use right now. In two weeks I have to go back to school and see his face, knowing that he feels nothing for me and that everything I thought was so wrong and so right.
How am I going to do this????