Everything changes. I do not need to go through a great and deep spiritual awakening to realize that this statement is irrevocably true. So then why is it so difficult for me to come to terms with all of the changes in my life?
In a few short days, I will return to school. One of my close friends is gone, finding his destiny is New Mexico. A love is lost forever, choosing to give up an opportunity for us to connect again. A new class is on my schedule, waiting for me to put it together. There are other changes, too. They are various and minor, but they are still there like barnacles on a rusty ship. Yes, in this analogy I am an old, big, rusty ship.
The way I see it, I have two choices. I can either embrace these changes and meet them with open arms and an open mind or I can continue to brood and wallow in my fear of the unknown and my sadness that my expectations were not met. It seems like an obvious choice. Why wouldn’t one want to put down unhealthy feelings of attachment to people and events that no longer serve? If it were only that easy…
But do not fret, I know the right direction, and I will venture ahead with my chest forward and hands at my side. I knew when this summer began that I was going to hide in a cocoon of my own making for awhile, but I also knew that I would have to hatch at some point.
“Sometimes,” Jem said, “our lives can change so fast that the change outpaces our minds and hearts. It’s those times, I think, when our lives have altered but we still long for the time before everything was altered– that is when we feel the greatest pain. I can tell you, though, from experience, you grow accustomed to it. You learn to live your new life, and you can’t imagine, or even really remember, how things were before.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel