I am starting to wonder. The other day I was talking to a colleague about dating and she said, “Why would someone want to date you?”. She wasn’t referring directly to me. She was citing a radio personality who was telling a story about a young lady in the dating world. The young woman was complaining about the shortage of men or the quality of men, and her mother questioned her. Her mother asked, “Well, why would any guy want to date you?”.
This question has haunted me since the asking. Why would any guy want to date me? I divorced my husband because I was unhappy. I have tentatively entered the dating world only to find it tumultuous and sad, and my self-esteem has been struggling ever since, and now I am pondering this question.
Part of me is angry. I have spent a large portion of the last three years trying to pick myself up. I have struggled with my self-esteem. I have constantly questioned my self-worth, and now I ignorantly believed that finding the right guy rested solely on there being a “good, right guy.” Here I have an entirely different ball of wax to consider. Perhaps I won’t be good enough for this right guy. It feels too good to my ego. It feels to good to that little voice inside my head. “Yes, that’s right,” it says. “Who do you think you are?” This makes me question its validity. This makes me want to fight against it, but…
I am struggling not to get any lower. I felt for just a few minutes like I was rising up. Now I am just not so sure.
“Why would anyone want to date me?”