Yes, I have a new love interest. It’s been a passionate and whirlwind romance. It really just started recently when I finally moved out of my ex’s house. Amid my stuffed boxes and half packed bags, I found someone I never thought I’d meet. My divorce was so difficult. It stripped away parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. How is this much pain and happiness possible at the same time? I knew my divorce was the right thing, but I did not know that I would feel free, guilty, satisfied, fear.
My new love interest has done wonders for me, though. It has been transforming. I will no longer keep you in suspense…it’s me. Yes, anti-climatic and perhaps I bit predictable, I know, but it is also very true. For so many years, I have looked for distractions, things to keep me away from me. I didn’t want to face my own internal issues. I didn’t want to see myself. People would ask me what I wanted, and I didn’t even know what that meant. I was so far from myself. Somewhere along the way, I was taught that I needed validation from others. I picked up this nasty habit of only seeing myself through the eyes of others. I became obsessed with what others thought about me, believing that I was only worthy if someone else liked me. Even worse, I could only understand love from a man if it included sex. Desire is such a powerful emotion, and I believed that love from a man could not be real without it. Unfortunately, I started to convince myself it was the only thing.
This summer I plan on continuing this new love affair. So far I realized that I am a pretty cool person to be with. I realized that I have more interests than I ever realized before. Why didn’t it take me so long to realize that I am this awesome?