As I sat in mediation this morning and listened to the singing birds outside my window, I deeply asked myself what are my greatest passions. I was met with silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. My mind started to wander. I started to think about which bathing suit I was going to wear, the text I needed to send back, the laundry that needs to get done. I realized that I was way too much in my mind, so I tried to concentrate on my breath. Breathing in and out and in and out. I felt out of balance. Out of wack. My mind started to wander again. I concentrated on my asking again, what is my greatest passion…Silence. Silence. Silence.
Then through the stillness came the word trust. I must admit trust and I have had a very difficult relationship, so to feel this word emerge when I just asked my inner being about my greatest passion was frustrating. Trust in what? I asked my inner self. Trust was repeated. As an English teacher we have addressed trust as a topic in the novels we have read. We have diagrammed it, defined it, characterized it. Many a thesis has been crafted around its purpose and greater message in many of the word’s classic literature, and now the word was being whispered to my heart.
So I stayed on my mat and felt the word trust and felt the frustration and felt the silence and I felt my one leg start to go numb and I was gentle with myself. “Yes, trust,” I said quietly to myself. I fought the urge to analyze the message and the word itself. I tried to just soften to the direction to trust.
Today I will trust the process. Trust in the fact that my answer is not immediate but that it is coming merely because I asked the question, but patience is required. Trust in the Divine who is constantly working to bring about the higher good for all and that I am a part of that patchwork quilt and that when the time is right I will be shown my greatest passion.
Currently my youngest is laying on the coach beside me while I write this. I am starting to wonder what his greatest passion will be. I feel like looking for mine might in someway enable him to find his as he grows into a man. Can I trust enough to know that I can help him find his way? Trust. Trust. Trust.