I want to change the stigma that goes hand-in-hand with being a single mom. I want to lift off the caked in belief that a single mom is always struggling. Yes, we work hard, but I don’t think we work any harder than some women who are married. Let’s be honest. Even when I was married, I did everything. This is not an understatement. The transition from living with my ex-husband to being completely on my own was nominal, so I know that many men do not carry their weight, especially when you have an amazingly competent wife. My struggles to make sure that the laundry was done, dinner was on the table, and the house was not a mess were all the same. So people need to stop assuming that single moms struggle any more than married ones.
I am also doing well financially even though my ex-husband does not contribute one cent towards raising our children. I am completely self-sufficient. I also do not rely on any boyfriend to help me financially. I have an amazing job in a great district as an English teacher. I have the equivalent of two Master’s Degrees.
I am happy and I am not remarried. I did not rush quickly into another relationship. I did not bring a torrent of men around my children as I secretly interviewed them for the job of step-father. I did not even date for the first two years after my divorce, and my boys only met my current after five months of dating.
My words here are so defensive. My wounds are so apparent as I sit and type them, but I am not going to delete this vulnerability from the page because someone might need to see this. Perhaps there is a single mom out there who also feels judged. Maybe she too feels like no matter how hard she tries, she feels that others are secretly grading her or assuming that she is not enough. There is the constant striving to be the worth of two adult parents in one. The constant motion forward to make sure that nothing is forgotten , no experience is missed, no lesson goes unlearned because that will mean she failed. And this is what I do not want to do, what I cannot do. I cannot screw up because it may cost one of my sons in some unseen way that has yet to transpire.
Let me know your thoughts, advice and fears. Would like to know that I am also not alone.
I so love this! Single moms oftentimes do get judged! Sad but so! We are looked at as not enough or not capable, and yes, like we will always struggle. This stigma irritates me to no end. I can remember countless times in my own life where I had been judged but my singleness doesn’t mean I’m not worthy!
Thanks so much for your comment! I think single moms have to work together to change this stigma for the better. And it looks like We’re doing that-one comment at a time.
I feel exactly the same in regards of housework, I was doing everything while being married anyway! (Although he though I wasn’t because he would wash the dishes a couple of times a week). Actually now I have less housework and I can relax because I have a peaceful home.