Single Mom Life- Dating

Dating is a difficult thing even when you are young.  At least, that’s what I assume because I never really dated.  I started seeing my ex when I was 19.  We married when I was 27.  We divorced when I was 37.

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I never dated.  So when I was thrown into the dating pool, I was lost. I read every dating book I could.  I tormented my friends and family for answers.  I consulted people who were in healthy relationships for clues.  They all said various things, but the most difficult point they all made was that I needed to be okay with myself before I could ever be in a happy, healthy relationship.  How could I be okay with myself when I felt too old to be single, too young to be alone, and too strapped with the responsibility of two little boys?  There was just too much. In addition, I did not see those same traits in the people who were in solid relationships.  My single friends seemed to have these characteristics, but my coupled comrades never seemed to even want to leave the house.

Date yourself.  Love yourself. Enjoy your alone time. Focus on you.  All of these things seemed impossible.  I tried dating myself. I went to the movies. I went to the Flower Show. I made myself elaborate dinners.  It felt sad and lonely.  I tried to do more exciting things.  Maybe that would make me a more exciting person to be around, but I found that I am a lot funnier when I am with people who laugh.  Dating myself just magnified the idea that I was alone, and I was scared that I would remain that way forever.  For the majority of my life, I had been in a relationship.  I had been someone’s other half, and even though it was bad more often than it was good, it felt like more than what I currently had.

I am now in a relationship, and if I am being completely honest with you, with myself, I still don’t think I am completely comfortable with myself.  I enjoy being the other half in a relationship.  I like having someone to turn to who is not just a friend.  I look forward to seeing my BF walk in the door and I feel safer when he sleeps over.  I still dislike being alone for long periods of time.  I don’t need time by myself.  I wonder if that means that I still have so much work to do or maybe it is okay to be just the way I am.

I guess my point is that I didn’t listen to the multitude of dating advice that is floating around out there, not just from books and social media sites, but also from my friends and family who love me. I didn’t pretend to not be interested in my BF.  I made plans with him at the last minute.  I told him when I felt insecure and scared.  I did not figure out who I truly am.  I am still a work in progress, but that did not mean that I did not and could not find love and happiness.  I really just tried to stay as close to what I really felt was right.  Advice is great and I seek it out every time I try to implement change in my life, but I continually come back to the idea of listening to myself.  Quieting my mind and asking myself what is real and what is right.  It ended up being what was just right for me.

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