Forgiveness

There are so many instances in this life when we get the opportunity to forgive.

When I first started dating my BF, he had an ex.  She was angry that were getting together.  She cheated on him before and she recently cheated on him again, and he officially ended it.  When she found out that he was dating me, she became really upset.  She said terrible things to me.  She said terrible things about me to my BF.  She was like a tornado, ripping up everything around her to try and destroy our relationship.  She almost succeeded.  So many of her words cut so deeply, and it shattered my confidence. It made me question what we had.

Now, five years later, we are still together and recently engaged.  Tonight I woke up to a message on my phone.  Here it is:

Hi kelly, so i initially just wanted to message you saying I’m happy for you and bri & then i saw what i had previously sent to you in the past & im straight up embarrassed. I know that i wasn’t the best person back then and a lot of it was bc i knew you and Brian were connecting on a way higher level during our break up and i was angry and I’m sorry for that. I’m trying to make amends with people in my life, and i have always genuinely felt bad for how i treated you in the past. I am genuinely happy for you both and i hope that you can understand that and forgive me. I was not a good person back then and it sucks to admit it now but, better late than never, i suppose. I wish you guys all of the happiness in the world and I’m super stoked Brian found the one, because hes great and definitely deserves it & you. I hope that you can understand my perspective at that time and know that that isn’t who i really am. again, i apologize for how i treated you then and i hope things are awesome for you guys.

To say I was completely shocked is an understatement. I cannot imagine what brought this on, and I am not sure I really need to know, but I felt instantly at peace when I read it. It was almost as if the moment I read it, I no longer felt any anger towards her. It happened so quickly that I questioned if something was wrong with me. We continued messaging back and forth and she said that she wanted my BF’s forgiveness also. I thought that he would forgive her if she just gave it time.

When I spoke to my BF later that night, he was adamant about not forgiving her, and he was hurt that I was so quick to forgive her for her terrible options. Last night, I felt so good about my ability to move on so quickly, but now I am questioning my willingness. Perhaps I should have represented his perspective more clearly to her as opposed to being so quick to forgive her. Should I have continued to harbor ill will? I was more than happy to drop it, to be honest. I rarely hold such anger for anyone, so it weighted on me to do so in this scenario.

I don’t know now. Did I do the right thing? Did the Empath in me react too quickly? Was I disloyal to my BF by accepting her apology?

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, let me know!

Love & Light