“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.” -Emily Dickinson
There is a constant shifting in this life between light and dark. The external events that are happening right before our physical eyes can cause us to toss and turn. Death, betrayal, cruelty are all powerful forces that can sometimes direct us to become negative and turn towards darkness.
When darkness takes over, it seems as if people intrinsically start to look for ways to claw out of it. Some of these ways are healthy. Some are even more destructive. Making the choice to see the light is hard.
When I was younger, I definitely was overcome with the darkness. I chose to turn to meaningless sex, drugs, and judging others harshly to find my equilibrium. It never really helped, but there were moments of respite.
When I was older, my life spiraled again, but this time I turned in a different direction. I was tired of lying. I was tired of suffering. I thought there had to be a better way, and there was. I turned towards faith, love, and hope. I prayed. It felt like I was lost in the woods, and I stopped trying to follow the maps I had looked at my entire life, and instead I went with my gut. I made every next step based on what felt good. Now when I say “good”, I mean good in the deepest part of me. When I sat in silence, I was able to focus on a deeper part of me that was no longer in my head, but in a spot somewhere in my solar plexus. This is where my inner voice sat dormant. Now it was whispering to me, and each time I chose correctly in my next step, I felt like I was rewarded with light.
This was a conscious choice to look for lightness, and I wasn’t always perfect. Actually, every change I’ve made has been brought in steps and chunks, and I still cannot say I am out of the woods. It’s more like the woods have become more comfortable. I can see better. Things that used to scare me and send me spiraling into fear I allow to just be until I can get closer to them. It seems to me that once I allow hope, I am able to see that the thing that frightens me is in my path because I need to learn more about the forest. I become patient and learn.
Hope is a light emotion. It is a fading glow. It does not burn as brightly as faith. It flickers and changes, so do not think that it only helps if it is this deep glowing thing. It is more like tear drop shaped light at the tip of a candle. It is fragile. It needs to be willed into being. It can be easily blown out and need to be re-lit. But it is there, my friends, waiting for you. It is the first step.
Love and Light, my friends!