Family & the Empath

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers.”

Mitch Albom

Family is so important. I don’t think I always believed this. When I was growing up, my family wasn’t very healthy, so I brushed aside the need for them. My friends took the place of my parents as my advisers and assistance with tough situations. My parents were unforgiving and harsh. They ruled without empath or thoughtfulness. Their words were careless. Their actions were often emotionally destructive. They cared little about how I felt and focused more on how to control my actions. It was an out of balance household and I sought refuge in the solace of my friends.

My friends were a tough bunch as well, but there seemed to be a hierarchy that put me somewhat at the top of the food chain, so I was accepted and listened to and rarely fucked with. Many of my friends had disastrous home lives that made mine look good. One of friend had a schizophrenic mother who threw her out of the house because she believed she was conspiring with the neighbors. She moved out at sixteen, dated a man who was in his 20s, and became a stripper to pay for her college. Another was molested by her grandfather, and when she told her parents, they called her a liar. They refused to address it at all, and she was forced to be around her grandfather at family functions and during the holidays. She was comforted by the fact that her grandfather was no longer interested in her when she went through puberty and started dying her blonde hair black and wearing long dark dresses. Neither of these two women are my friend who was an addict and recently overdosed. Among these friends, of which there were many more, there was a bit of “mob rule” justice at times, but we listened to one another and soothed each others hurts.

Where is the Empath in all of this, you may be asking. Well, my kind reader, she had not been fully born yet. The damage my family inflicted buried any opportunities for real empathy. I used my gifts instead to get what I wanted from people. Abuse hardened me. Trying to grow among distress sharpened my skills as an Empath. Manipulation was my go to move.

Now we move on to my current family. My little family of four is nestled in a nice sized twin on a cul de sac in the suburbs. We love and we listen. We cry and we yell. Sometimes we slam doors. As a mom, I know that I am smearing and smudging and I can’t help it. There are days when our family feels out of balance and out of sorts, but we just keep going.

Love and Light!