The truth is so tricky. I have said before and I will write it here again…we lie to control how others feel about us. The last six years I have vowed to tell the truth. No big lies to protect myself. No white lies so others felt better. So why did I tell a lie today?
My school changed our health benefits about five years ago. It made the “good” insurance get progressively more and more expensive and brought in a High Deductible program to accommodate costs. If one was willing to sacrifice quality of healthcare for costs, they could have a cheaper option. When one of my fellow co-workers (and closest friends) heard this, she became angry. She felt this was the district’s way of taking the better healthcare program from all teachers. She railed against the HD program. She sent emails. She yelled. She insisted that everyone must keep the more expensive plan to protect those who need the insurance for difficult health issues. I agreed, but slowly saw my paycheck dwindling every year because of the rising costs.
Last year, I had a choice to make. Do I stay with the really expensive plan or do I move to the HD plan and save myself over $250 a month? I moved to the HD plan, but I did not share this with my coworker. I feared her wrath. I feared her judgment.
The worst (or maybe it’s the best) part is that I love this plan. It is saving me a ton of money and it is really easy and manageable. But today we were talking about health insurance, and I easily lied.
“My health plan costs me about $165 a pay,” I said. I heard her clear her throat. I felt her distrust. I felt the guilt of my own lie.
“Which plan did you go with?” she asked. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, it’s fine,” I answered. “I went with my usual plan. The same one.”
There it was. Two lies in a row and I could feel that she didn’t even believe me. But how would she know?
Here are the things about which I feel uncomfortable. Lies do not go unnoticed by the Universe. A lie sends a certain vibe out into the world. It throws off the vibe of a relationship and it creates disconnection in the person who told the lie. I believe all people feel when someone lies to them. It is in the dismissing of the lie that the vibration becomes dissonant.
Telling the truth has been really difficult many times along the way, but I have studied the feeling after a difficult truth is told. Yes, it creates a level of discomfort, but the ease and peace that arises in the speaker is palpable. I feel it when someone tells me their truth. I feel the opposite when someone tells me their lie. I feel the shift in their vibe as well as the shift of the vibe of our connection.
Every lie, no matter how small, is a scratch, a wound. And please do not mistake it. This scratch, this wound, is not on the person who is lied to. No, it is the person who tells the lie because it was their choice and their action.
The truth is the only elixir to heal.
So now I have only one thing left to do. Tell the truth and accept how she feels about me. This I cannot truly change.
Love and Light, truth tellers.