The truth is so tricky. I have said before and I will write it here again…we lie to control how others feel about us. The last six years I have vowed to tell the truth. No big lies to protect myself. No white lies so others felt better. So why did I tell a lie today?
My school changed our health benefits about five years ago. It made the “good” insurance get progressively more and more expensive and brought in a High Deductible program to accommodate costs. If one was willing to sacrifice quality of healthcare for costs, they could have a cheaper option. When one of my fellow co-workers (and closest friends) heard this, she became angry. She felt this was the district’s way of taking the better healthcare program from all teachers. She railed against the HD program. She sent emails. She yelled. She insisted that everyone must keep the more expensive plan to protect those who need the insurance for difficult health issues. I agreed, but slowly saw my paycheck dwindling every year because of the rising costs.
Last year, I had a choice to make. Do I stay with the really expensive plan or do I move to the HD plan and save myself over $250 a month? I moved to the HD plan, but I did not share this with my coworker. I feared her wrath. I feared her judgment.
The worst (or maybe it’s the best) part is that I love this plan. It is saving me a ton of money and it is really easy and manageable. But today we were talking about health insurance, and I easily lied.
“My health plan costs me about $165 a pay,” I said. I heard her clear her throat. I felt her distrust. I felt the guilt of my own lie.
“Which plan did you go with?” she asked. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, it’s fine,” I answered. “I went with my usual plan. The same one.”
There it was. Two lies in a row and I could feel that she didn’t even believe me. But how would she know?
Here are the things about which I feel uncomfortable. Lies do not go unnoticed by the Universe. A lie sends a certain vibe out into the world. It throws off the vibe of a relationship and it creates disconnection in the person who told the lie. I believe all people feel when someone lies to them. It is in the dismissing of the lie that the vibration becomes dissonant.
Telling the truth has been really difficult many times along the way, but I have studied the feeling after a difficult truth is told. Yes, it creates a level of discomfort, but the ease and peace that arises in the speaker is palpable. I feel it when someone tells me their truth. I feel the opposite when someone tells me their lie. I feel the shift in their vibe as well as the shift of the vibe of our connection.
Every lie, no matter how small, is a scratch, a wound. And please do not mistake it. This scratch, this wound, is not on the person who is lied to. No, it is the person who tells the lie because it was their choice and their action.
The truth is the only elixir to heal.
So now I have only one thing left to do. Tell the truth and accept how she feels about me. This I cannot truly change.
Love and Light, truth tellers.
https://paperkutzs.com/2021/02/11/question-of-the-day-why-should-i-tell-the-truth/
You are being brilliant in telling your truth.. as usual!
Thank you!!
Yes, the truth shall set you free! There is no more hiding and no more concern for the judgements of others.
Honestly, this is a private and personal matter you wrote about. I would say to this person, that is my personal business and I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you. Period. I have found this is a boundary and aform of emotional bullying people cross in order to get others to agree with them. What business of it is hers what you choose for your family and your budget. We each have to do what is best for us. You are on point with understanding that we always have a choice. Our words have karmic consequences. Just remember that everything others bring to us is also our choice whether or not we want to share it. This is a deeper issue from your friend and you felt it. She holds the mistrust. We as empaths don’t have to carry or feel bullied into feeling for others. We are to acknowledge this and anchor light so that others can make their own choices. This is how energy works. It’s incredibly easy for us to get wrapped up in others feelings and choices.
What an insightful post Kelly. I love reading your journey as you sift through all of these choices and decide what best aligns with you. Tell your truth, be powerful. Love you❤❤❤
Oh, thank you! I definitely muddy the waters with my friends because I love them, feel them and never want to let them down. I recognize that. My lying used to be what I used to please others. Yes, it wasn’t her business, and yes, I could have chosen to not discuss, but I lied due to fear. I actually went to her after I wrote this post and told her I lied and that I feared her judgment and she said, “I could never be mad at you for that. You need to do what is right for your family.” I created the judgment and anger so I had a reason to lie, but the reason was not even real. I created a false narrative and when I lied, I continued it. I’m not saying my friend can’t at times be intense at times, but I love her for this reason as well. My lesson to learn is lying is a way to protect myself that does not serve me. Thank you for the input and feedback! Love you much 💕😊🥰
How awesome is this Kelly!! That’s incredible insight and growth. These types of situations help us yo learn more about ourselves, choices and behaviors that ultimately serve our highest good and alignment. I am so happy to read this.
Along the lines of what Bell Jooks writes about in “All about love” is what culturally drives lying for both sexes and what society dictates about fitting into this patriarchal society. It is sooooo good, I know you will enjoy it ❤❤❤
Learning from our travels sister 🙌😊
Oh yes, not only to others we tell lies to ourselves all the time and over a period of time start to believe those lies and one day these become our truth. Man is the strangest of all animals 😅
I learned the value of honesty and speaking the truth from Mahatama Gandhi’s autobiography- My Experiments with Truth and that has been most helpful 🙏🙏
Honesty does remain the best policy.
Absolutely! Thanks for your comment. I also agree that some of the greatest lies we tell are to ourselves.
😊