To say I have had a lot on my plate recently is an understatement. Wedding, new house, ending an extremely difficult year of pandemic teaching has taken quit a toll on this limited psyche. I am not even sure if I have processed the swirling storms surrounding me over the last five months.
As I sit in my quiet study and look out at large window in front of me and my husband and boys sleep peacefully in the rooms above, I can only feel grateful. Tired…but so grateful.
Six years ago I could not imagine (though I could feel) a future contentment. My life has been filled with various storms, but the storm that ended my previous marriage and dissolved my sense of belonging and family was more difficult than I could ever imagined. The thought/belief that I could ever be settled, happy, strong seemed like a impossibility, but somewhere I felt there could be peace if I just continued to move forward and avoided dwelling on the past.
Now I am placed, I am solid. My husband, our boys, our new home, our new vows are all just still swirling and looking for a solid place to land, but they are here and they are with me.
I will end this post (the first of many I will start writing again) with a recap a bit of our marriage ceremony-my favorite part of the entire night.
Picture this: An idyllic farm with a sectioned portion for weddings. The reconstructed barn now equipped with the necessary accoutrement for love. Flowers and soft white flowing fabric covering dense wood beams. Strings of lights both thick and fairy like also hang down from various spots. A soft cool breeze blowing in from who knows where. It’s June so it should be much hotter, but it’s cool and green, and the white and pink flowers add just the right amount of color.
Queue the music as my BF and his brother walk out from the side of the barn to take their places on their side of the arbor. My two best friends enter from a carriage house on the other side to take their places: one as a witness and the other as our officiant. My two boys and I wait above to walk down the aisle together. My oldest son with my arm on my right and my youngest holding my hand on my left. My oldest turns to me and smiles. He has the most beautiful hazel eyes and in this moment they are bright and clear.
“Are you okay, Momma?” I smile back and nod.
“I’m nervous, but I am so glad I am doing this with you two,” I kiss my younger son’s head. He looks up at me.
“It’s okay, Mom. Just remember your breathing,” he says so seriously. I love that they are both being so helpful and supportive, as if their lives weren’t changing as well.
We walk down the aisle and I try and look straight ahead at my BF (soon to truly be my forever person). When we get to the arbor, I hug each boy and then the go to stand next to the two other attendants on either side. My best friend welcomes everyone and the ceremony begins.
Love and Light and looking forward to a healthy and relaxing summer!