Today I am thinking heavily about the third agreement: “Don’t make assumptions.”
Ruiz writes that we are living in a dream, and we turn this dream into a nightmare every time we assume what others are thinking or feeling about us.
Oh, is this so true for me. My empathic abilities, which always enable me to know what people are feeling BUT not always know why they are thinking it, leads me into a labyrinth of self-torture. This may be why so many Empaths feel as if they are more tortured than the average human.
Some days I feel that my empathic abilities are gift. Some days I completely understand the torture part.
This past weekend I went on Girls’ Trip with friends from work. I was bombarded by the sights and sounds and emotions of everyone around me. I am particularly close with these friends, so their feelings thread through me constantly.
My empathic abilities draw them to me and what draws them to me is what causes them to almost “take care” of me with a mom-like lovingness. I really enjoy this aspect of being an empath. I can be like a lighthouse for so many and they are drawn to me in ways I don’t even think they understand. I can feel these “light” tendrils that encircle people I hold close. I think they can feel them too on a sub-conscious level. I actually feel the lighted thread as it winds around them. It’s really cool.
BUT when they feel scared, angry, uncertain, lonely, sad…all of those other tough emotions…I feel them too. I just don’t know why and the very human part of me always wants to make me the cause and the fixer. So what do you do?
Here’s what I do:
First, I question my thoughts. I love to ask, “Is this true?” This piece of advice is from Byron Katie. More often than not, there is no proof that my thought is even true. This question gives me the chance to see the extremity of my thought and belief.
Second, I see where my judgment is and the observe the feelings that arise with that judgment. It is surprising when you step back and feel how much anxiety is being created by a thought that is more than likely not true. I breathe through this and actively release this.
Third, I question the person. This is from Brene Brown. I say to the person, “The story I am creating with my thoughts is that your feelings of anger or sadness are something I’ve done. If this is the case, can we talk about it?” More often than not, the person is so surprised and their genuine surprise helps so much. It also gives you an opportunity to verbalize my thoughts and feelings, which feels like giving them some validity. This last step is tough. You really just need to trust the process. The feeling of fear before doing this is tough to move past, but it is always worth, and it always stops the tailspin emotions.
Let me know if this resonates with you!
Love and Light, Friends.
Wow this is my life! If someone doesnt respond back to me in a timley manner then i make up scenerios in my mind of things I could have done to make them mad. It drives me insane
I completely understand. Next time try these three steps. It really helps. 💕