Poem of the Day: “Choices”

My oldest son and I have been talking a lot lately about choices and consequences and responsibility. He is angry with me about the divorce. It’s a mix really. He tells me he lost respect for me and his father because of the divorce.

This came up because he lost his phone because of his behavior. Behavior he blames on his loss of respect. You see that twists things up a bit.

Either way, we have a lot of productive talks about it, and he keeps saying he never even had a choice. It has me thinking about my own parents’ divorce and reminded me of a poem I wrote when I was his age.

I am putting it here, but I am half-tempted to have him read it.


I remember him as he stood wilting in the large brown courtroom, shiny with too much lacquer

The judge’s voice boomed

Through a room filled with the corpses of other dead marriages

I couldn’t take my eyes off of the big man who watched his string of bad choices lurch before him

Unable to look at the fragile woman wearing red and blotting her eyes with incremental pieces of tissue

I sat in my navy blue dress and black patent leather shoes

Small sweaty hands clutching the edges of a chair

A drop of perspiration traveling down one leg

The small bead absorbed by the lacy sock

Judge, he wants to see me

“in my chambers”

click, click, click of my shoes on the hardened floor

hoping no one saw me shaking

hoping no one saw the sweating

hoping to say the right answers to important pending questions

Lots of talking, many more smiles, make her feel comfortable, let her know you care, difficult decision for such a young girl, you know your parents love you, you know it is not your fault, you know you have to…

She Screams

And screaming

She is always screaming

Heart wrenching

Gut-tearing screams that shatter fragile things

You know you have to…

He despise

He said I would be dead to him

Walk out that door it will be the last time

The last time for many things

“Yes, I do”

“You’re sure?” Nod. Nod. Smile. Smile.

It is done

Click, Click, Click

If you’re waiting/If you just want to know the choice I made…

As yourself

Does it really matter?

Love and Light, all.

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