How to Tell if You’re and Empath

cropped-leaves.jpg

There are many sites and books on being an Empath.  Went I started my journey to figure out exactly what this is, I found many insights.  Some of them were helpful; many of them were not.  One website actually contained a quiz that I could take that asked questions like, “Do you think of a person and then he/she calls you?” and “Do you get a bad feeling in your stomach and then something terrible happens?”.  These quizzes did not help.  What I am capable of doing/feeling was not really listed or discussed in the blogs and chat rooms, even the helpful ones.  I could not find anyone else who seemed to be able to help me with the ability to “feel through” or “read” a person.  They also did not help me with the largest piece of the puzzle.  Why was I sometimes so right and other times so wrong?  The times I was wrong seemed to trump the times I was right and provide undeniable examples that perhaps this was all in my head.  But then, when I would be at the height of my “yes, this is all in my mind,” something would happen.  I would be in a situation where I was so insanely correct and felt something so deeply that I could not deny that this was real.

The truth is that there is no precise way outside of you to ever truly tell if you are in fact an Empath.  I could give you a list of questions and you can add up the numbers to see if they coincide with someone’s idea of what an Empath is, but the reality is that you must find the answer within yourself.  It is during my quiet meditations that I know that I am what I am.  My many validations prove only that I know something at that moment.  It is the voice that is inside of my soul that tells me that my intuitions are more honed.  This is another reality.  We are all able to do this.  Like any skill set, some of us have more natural ability, but we can all access our intuitive selves and feel others.  We can do this when we begin to believe that we are all one and there are no separations.

So if you still want to know if you are an Empath, here is what I recommend you do:

1) Find a quiet spot that you can call your own. It doesn’t have to be fancy.

2) Make sure there are few outside distractions. (I meditate at night after my two boys are in bed.)

3) Sit with your back straight and your legs crossed in front of you.

4) Allow your mind to wander where it will, but don’t let it take you.  Don’t invest in it.  You may have to process many emotions that have been dormant beneath your protective coating for years.  Let them come to the surface.  Don’t give them a story.  Just feel through them.  Emotions only have power if you give them power.  Greet them like old friends and they cannot have their way with you.

5)  Imagine yourself surrounded by a safe and protective light.

6) Try to do this for 20 minutes everyday.

At some point you will feel it.  Do NOT expect it to come to you right away.  Be patient with yourself.  You will have stuff to wade through.  You will have other people’s stuff to release.  We live in a world that seeks to create noise and distractions so we don’t have to feel.  This is unhealthy.  In time, you will feel it.  There will be a change in you.  Silence creates a space.

7) When you feel that space, ask your question.  There may or may not be an answer.  You will know that it is your soul’s answer if it comes from deep within you.  This is not your mind.  This is the place that feels what others are feeling.  This is the place that has the answers because we are all connected and the light that shines through me shines through you.  If you give yourself over to silence, you will feel it.

Love and Blessings

Some people who have helped me in my journey:

*Elizabeth Harper has been a great resource for me-Sealed with Love is her website

*Suchitra is my teacher and guide here.  Her guided meditations are amazing.  Soul Source is a great site and located in Delaware County, PA.

 

Energy and the Empath

In this world there are an amazing and never ending supply of circumstances that leave me confident that there is more. What do I mean by this? More is such a general term and can be used so wrongly. Here is exactly what I mean. More than what I can see with my eyes, hear with my ears, feel with my hands, with my heart. The intangible guts of life that tangle all around us every day. This electrifying murmuring, the undercurrent that flows beneath the surface of all of these pictures and emotions. I feel the path now under my feet in a way that I never have before. Can you feel it? Have you ever?

Have you ever made a choice that created an inaudible click in your mind, and you knew you had just altered something? I have. I have felt the snap of a right decision. It is not always immediate. I think it is often better when it isn’t. The choice then stays suspended in life, waiting to see how it plays out. This is why life is so much more than what it seems. If I listen, placing my ear to my heartbeat, I can feel it. The excitement and the charge of life as it careens through this time and our existence. I can feel it in you. The Empath part of me allows this strange connection that repeatedly allows me to know that the beat that runs through me runs through you. The same anger, the same love, the same multitudes. So if you suspend any disbelief and allow the truth to take hold for just a moment, ask yourself, “Is it here? Can I feel it?” And see what answers you get…

Difficult Day

 

I am not having a good day.  It’s not terrible.  I just feel like I am covered in this negative energy.  Things are not working out. I feel frustrated and irritated.

I feel upset that things are not happening the way that I want them to happen.  I want to have a temper tantrum.  I wish I could throw myself on the floor like my three-year-old and kick until these feelings go away.

In my head, I feel like people are annoying and disappointing and situations just want to work against me.  Though these spirals are much more rare nowadays, I still get tied up in them.

I have tried all of my tried-and-true ways for lifting this rut.  None of them are working.  I guess I just have to bear it.  The path leads through it, but this is just so uncomfortable.  I can’t even really blame this on anyone else.  I think this negativity is mine, but I am not sure.  My younger brother just went through a really bad breakup and was sitting to my left at dinner last night.  I may have absorbed some of his energy.  I don’t always know when it is someone else’s.

Breathe…

 

A Man’s Transgression and the Wandering Empath

I always feel things that I cannot say.  It’s one of the most frustrating parts of my gift, but my spiritual adviser was just telling me yesterday that I cannot and should not say everything I feel.  It is a waste of my talents and gifts and some people are just not ready for it.  

Today my boys and I were at the Kid’s Kut.  As my youngest son was getting his hair cut, a young couple walked in with their toddler son.  The wife was overwhelmed. As always, my heart feels for women who are overwhelmed with the weight of motherhood.  It is a feeling that I completely relate with.  Her husband looked like a nice enough guy, but I could feel his “other woman.”  She texted him and she was in his pocket as he stood there with his wife and child.  No judgment, but within minutes I saw the outline of his emotional affair with a woman he met on the Internet.  He was so lonely.  This woman was so willing.  I wanted to pull the wife aside and warn her.  It was not that I wanted to get the man in trouble.  He felt like a good guy who was quickly getting wrapped up in a situation that was becoming larger than him.  I just wanted to hug her and tell her to really look at her husband.  It is amazing how alone two married people can feel in the same relationship.  If they could just turn and look at the other, perhaps things could be averted.

After the haircut, I took my boys to the Five and Below store.  As we were walking back to the car to head home, I saw the woman walking again with her young son.  Her husband was nowhere to be found.  It took every bone in my body to keep walking.  I didn’t say anything. It was right to not say anything.  Right? 

Love and the Empath Cont…

Last night I had a great conversation with one of my friends.  It was about love.  This seems to be a topic that comes up in my life often.  I think that it is my soul’s mission in this life.  Everyone comes into this life with a plan, a purpose.  Perhaps I should preface this entry with “based on my belief system,” but I wonder if that is already understood.  Anyway, I believe that everyone enters this life with an agenda.  I think my agenda is to research love.  Through my various karmic journeys, I think I have worked out being able to love my children, love my friends, and even others I barely know.  I have no one I call an enemy.  I dislike much of what people do, but I can honestly say that I don’t really “hate” anyone.  Sorry, “hate” is not allowed to be used in my home, and I try to keep it out of my vocabulary.  “Hate” is such a powerful and icky emotion.  If people could just feel how blackening it is, they would avoid it too.  “Hate” is a black, spiky tar that snags you and needs to be cleaned away with intent.  It is truly not the opposite of love.  I’ve felt people love and hate someone all at the same time.  It’s an entity all on its own.

So back to my conversation about love.  Love is so much more powerful.  It is the brightest, most beautiful light in the world.  It radiates from people.  You know that is true.  Even people who are not Empaths can feel when two people are in the early stages of love.  Also, the ability to see the bonds that love forms when given time to grow and mature can bring tears to someone’s eyes.  When we celebrate a marriage that has stood the test of time, we are not really celebrating that piece of paper and the ceremony that took place many years ago.  No, we are acknowledging the strength of a love that could stand the tests and the trials of life.  Marriages do not stay together because of a priest’s, judge’s, or pastor’s words.  Marriages can only stay together when love remains strong.  Divorce does not happen because we ever really stop loving the person we are married to.  Love is still there.  It is the other stuff that builds and clouds that diminishes the strength of love.  When we allow the other emotions to overcome our love, then love fades.  I told my friend that I still love my ex.  She was shocked to hear this.  People are always shocked to hear this.  If I still love him, then why in God’s name would I divorce him?  The reason is because the resentment, anger, distrust all built up and downgraded my love for him.  I no longer wanted to be his wife.  It was a title and position that no longer fit me or served me. I could not see myself continuing to build a relationship with him.  I no longer wanted to foster my love for him.  What is there, is there, but there is no part of me that wants it to grow.  

Even as I am writing this, I can see that I have some bugs to work out, but these realizations have taken many years and many mistakes to get to, so I will continue to observe.  For now, the biggest realization I’ve had is that I think my road has taken me to a path of being single.  This is the first time in my life, so I guess we will just see where this goes.   

Dining with an Empath

seedling : Green seedling illustrating concept of new lifeOn Friday, one of my coworkers told me that he has three job interviews in New Mexico.  We live and work in Pennsylvania.  You can see the problem.  This man is one of the smartest, kindest men I have ever met.  I am sad to say the least.  He is an amazing teacher.  These school (one of them on a reservation) will certainly offer him a job.  His heart is just in New Mexico, he says.  He grew up on an Indian reservation.  He is not Native American.  He struggled.

We agreed to dinner.  He knows about my abilities, but I have never actually read him.  I give people their privacy. Unless it is something I can’t avoid seeing or they specifically ask me for a reading, I keep to myself.  I must admit I do the occasional, “wow, what’s his story,” but for the most part, I keep to myself.  Here’s the bad news.  If you are having dinner with an Empath, there are just things I am going to feel.

My friend recently separated from his wife. He was truly not happy in that relationship.  This was something I could feel about two years ago, so I was not surprised when he started asking for relationship advice.  I would laugh and tell him to ask someone who’s relationship hasn’t failed.  He never took my direction.  I felt fortunate in being able to relay my experiences with a collaborative divorce when he started saying that it was completely over.  They never had kids, so he was able to leave quickly and decisively.  As we sat across the table from one another, maneuvering our chopsticks like Americans, we talked about his recent rock climbing experiences.  He kept saying that he wants to find a woman who can do those types of things with him.  I agreed.  I told him he should not give up until he finds it, and then a picture of a woman popped into my head.

“You will definitely find her,” I said, but since my ability to tell the future is hit or miss, I kept quiet.

“Well, let me ask you this,” he started, “there is this woman who volunteers with me.”  It all made sense at that moment and I saw the much larger picture.  This girl not only existed, she was in his life currently.  I nodded.

“Yeah, I can see her,” I said, “but I can also see that she is married.”  He paused and looked at me.

“Yes, yes, she is,” he answered.

“She is into that relationship, but I definitely feel an interest in you.  Her husband is not awful, but he’s not that great.  I feel like he can be kind of a dick.”  He laughed again.  “I see her brown hair and she has really strong legs.  Boots and shorts.  She has a really great relationship with her father.  They’re alike.  I keep hearing that.  She’s not close with her mother.  This woman is really sweet and kind.  She cares for animals and for people.  Her mother is materialistic.  She cares more about herself and her appearance.  Nails done, nice clothes,” I continued.  He shook his head.

“No, her mom is not really like that.  She’s really obese, and she doesn’t take care of herself at all.”

“Oh,” I said as I took another bite.  “Weird.  It really feels like her mom, but I can tell you she’s not close with this woman.”  He nodded.

“She’s not.  Her parents divorced when she was little,” he said.

“Did her dad remarry?”  He nodded.

“Oh,” he said with surprise.  “You described her stepmom. I have chills.  I really have chills.”  I smiled.  “Ok, so you can really do this, huh?  I mean I heard about it, and you’ve talked about it, but this is really real.”  I nodded.  “So what is this called again?”  I explained again about being empathic, and our conversation continued as I gave him advice on what to do.  In the end, I basically told him that it was good he was leaving for New Mexico on Tuesday.  She feels like a wonderful woman, but neither one of them want to do the wrong thing, and he knows and I know that it would be the wrong thing for both of them.

At the end of the night, he gave me a hug and we said goodbye.  He promised when he came back in August, we would touch base again, and I certainly hope that is true.

The entire conversation has really stayed with me for a number of reasons.  Love is a funny thing.  There are so many rules and levels and kinds.  We all seem to be searching for it in one form or another.  Feelings of love can make people do things that they would have previously felt unfathomable.  That’s what this woman was feeling.  Her confusion and interest in my friend are overwhelming for her.  She is extremely sad that he is leaving.  When I think of love that feels this way, it almost feels like an addiction.  This drive to fall into the arms of the person we are attracted to is so powerful that I wonder at the people who can stop it or even recover from it.  Does true love stay like that?  Is that what makes it real?  I could feel that these two people were at the early stages of love.  I envisioned a bright green shoot emerging from dark, cool soil.  Tiny leaves are gracing the length of it.  If left alone with the right level of care, this could grow into much more, but I just advised that my friend is right in walking away, depriving the seedling of air, light, and water.  Perhaps it will wither for a bit, but when tended again spring back to life.  I am banking on this.

Today I Read a Dying Man’s Thoughts and Feelings

About three months ago, my friend was showing me pictures from her girls’ weekend away.  As we were laughing and flipping through the images on her iPhone, one picture stood out.  It was one of her friends smiling happily at the camera as she stood there waiting for her picture to be taken.  Images started to enter my mind and the words “husband issues”.  She didn’t feel divorced.  In fact, she felt happily married.  I could see a very attractive man in a suit whom she liked very much.  Again the words repeated again and again.

I had to ask.  “Does this woman have husband issues?”  

“Why do you ask?” My friend responded.  She is very aware of my abilities.  She watches me read my students all of the time, so she definitely believes that I see things that do not seem possible.

“Every time I look at her, I hear the words husband issues.  Does that make sense to you?”

“What else do you see?”  I described the husband and explained how she felt happy in her marriage, so these words did not make sense.  “Well, while we were away, her husband’s building where he worked had a fire.  He is a big business guy and all of the offices in his building were destroyed by the fire and the water as they tried to put it out.  Intrigued, she wanted me to read more.  There was her friend who I could read was a nurse who hated her job and was struggling with drug addiction.  She had me look at her sister who had serious animosity and was hiding some of her mother’s things in her closet until after her mother died.  Everything I felt was validated and very true.  I realized that I could read vibes through photographs, which I had always wondered at, but I never got actual validation.

Today she me a photograph of an older couple.  It was clearly taken in the 70s.  

“Why do you want me to look at this?”  I asked.

“Just tell me what you think,” she said.  At first I felt nothing, and then I felt something from the man in the picture.  He is sick. He is dying.  He cannot speak.  I kept feeling like I wanted to speak. I felt like I had so much to say, and I couldn’t get the words out. I told my friend all of this.  She nodded her validation.  His wife was another story.  At first I wanted to say that she was dead or they were divorced. I felt a separation, but then I also felt like she was caring for him through this time.  It didn’t make any sense.

“He’s ready to die, but he’s afraid.  Why do I feel like his wife is there helping him, but he doesn’t see her or appreciate her help?”

“Well,” she answered, “she died eighteen years ago.”  So that made sense.  She was clearly by his side, but he just couldn’t see her yet.

“His body wants to die, but he is so afraid.  It feels like he wants a religious person there,  but he feels like he is unworthy.  He feels the need to be forgiven, but he is afraid that he will be rejected.  Has he broken from his religion?”

She nodded again.  “He was a born-again Christian, and he left the church.”  I kept putting my hand up to my mouth as if a could project my words.  The fear he was feeling was coursing through me.  I kept getting chills through my whole body.  

“He can’t say it. He almost doesn’t want to say it, but he needs to see a priest or a pastor.  That’s what’s holding up his death.  He is ready, but he is so afraid.”  It was at this point that my friend, Cindy, told me that she showed me this picture because another of her friends asked her to.  This is a picture of her friend’s father.  He is dying from lung cancer and cannot speak.  He is still holding on and no one knows why.  Her friend was hoping I could help.  Again I felt chills through my whole body.

“Cindy,” I said, “I know I am not always right, but I am right this time.  I can feel this very clearly.  He needs a religious figure to forgive him.  I know this is right and real.”

Even now I am here in my living room watching Blue’s Clues with my boys, and I can feel this man’s fear.  I will never meet him or even his daughter, but I know what he is feeling as he dies.  I hope this helps him.  I keep praying that someone listens or that some comfort can get to that man so he can know what I know.  Death is only the beginning.  He has nothing to fear.  

This experience makes me feel good that i can help and scared of what I can see.  How much farther down does this rabbit hole go?