Yesterday I took the Love Languages Test. I found it really interesting and truly accurate.
I few years ago, I read the book and made my best guess as to which language was my top one. For those of you who are unfamiliar, here is description I took from the Love Languages website:
- Words of affirmation: These are things you say that are encouraging and affirming. I imagine that they are complimentary in nature as well. Things like, ” I am so proud of you.”
- Acts of Service: These are things one can do for other people: cutting the lawn, taking out the trash, making dinner. These acts service help the other person in some way with seemingly mundane tasks.
- Quality Time: This is time spent with another person where each person is actively listening and engaged with the other.
- Gift Giving or Receiving: This involves a tangible object that is given as a gift. It does have to be something big and expensive, but it shows thought.
- Physical Intimacy: The site was clear to state that this does not have necessarily involve sex, but it could include hand holding, hugging, cuddling.
Before I took the test, I already knew that a big one for me was Words of Affirmation. A score in any one area can go as high as 12. Words of Affirmation scored a 9. This was followed by Acts of Service which scored an 8. The final of the big three was Physical Intimacy with a score of 7. Gift Giving/Receiving ended it all with a 1.
Again, I was not surprised by the way my scores played out, but it did start to give me additional clarity. Some of my miscommunications with my boyfriend and children may stem from the fact that Gift Giving/Receiving is probably a much higher number for them. My boyfriend gives me gifts all of the time, but he often finds it difficult to verbalize his feelings. It’s important for me to put my feelings in check after I write him a detailed message about the reasons I find him so amazing and all I get is a t-shirt. It also helps me to explain to him why he may feel like he is doing everything he can to help me feel loved, but I am being needy and distant all at the same time.
The other part of this text that I absolutely loved is the idea of a Love Tank. We all have one and it is on various levels of filled and empty through the course of any given day. My son running up to me just to kiss and hug me “hello”- Love Tank full. My other son complains about the dinner I just made for our family- Love Tank empty. It is not only important to know which language makes you feel like your tank is full, but also the language of your partner and children so they can feel full.
Overall, when we look at love as a reciprocal thing that has pre-conceived conditions for each person, it can give us more control over how we feel in our relationships. Perhaps my not feeling loved is merely a matter of perception. Or when I see how my son feels love simply by a small gift I procured at the store, I can know that his Love Tank is full.
And isn’t that what it’s all about? Giving and receiving love…what could be simpler?
Click on the link below to find out what your love language.
Additional Resource from fiercemarriage.com: